Elsie+Lock+2011

__Monday 13th June 2011__ Thomas, read you story out loud. Ask yourself, does this make sense? am I painting picture in the readers mind?

He ran over to see what all the fuss was and before he knew it he was sliding like a bullet down a whole hidden by leaves where Te Hurangi had fallen as well.

__Thursday 9th June 2011__

**Target - Next Steps** **Thomas this story has excellent potential and begins with some great description, keep this going throughout the story e.g.**

**They also tried other ways to get help e.g screaming for help, trying to build steps up, throwing piles of dirt out and just hoping on each others backs to see if they could reach the top.**

**Panting and exhausted from screaming for help and trying to build steps to get out of he hole the boys began to give up hope and felt ... (I'm sure you can think of a better word than screwed!)**

Kyle Te Hurangi
 * Characters:**


 * Story:**

Kyle and Te Hurangi were running around in the whakapapa forest, as usual playing tag. Tag had been one of their favorite games to play with each other, especially in the forest just don the street from each others houses.

While Kyle was sprinting his heart out away from Te Hurangi all around the forest he turned behind him and no longer was Te Hurangi there. Kyle thought that it was just some trick that he was playing on him, until he heard the loudest scream he had never heard from a guy like Te. He ran over to see what all the fuss was and before he knew it he was sliding like a bullet down a whole hidden by leaves where Te Hurangi had fallen as well. . The hole turned into a dirt slide flinging him left right and centre.

When he finally made it to the bottom of the slide he found him along with Te Hurangi stuck in a giant leave pile. They checked on each other to see if they were ok. They could see two options dead a head of them. Option 1 was a ladder leading back to land and option 2 was a long tunnel leading straight a head that they could hardly see into. Kyle said "I think we should just go back up to land", but Te Hurangi always wanted to take the hard way out and refused to climb the ladder.

After Kyle was finally convinced of going threw the tunnel they were about half way already from Te Hurangi dragging Kyle threw the tunnel. They could not see a thing but the tunnel just kept leading straight. Along the rest of the way their was tree branches sticking threw tunnel, that they had two climb over without being able to see. They got over it but it took them well over 15 minutes.

Nearly 3km’s down the river they found a long river, blocking off the rest of the tunnel but no way to get down the river. Kyle was a bit angry at Te Hurangi for making him walk this far for a river, but they spotted something that looked a bit like a wooden kayak with Moari carvings all over. Kyle had no idea what waka it was but straight away Te Hurangi new that it was the local Marae’s long lost Waka, that had not been found for over 7 years. With a long river and a waka Te Hurangi was keen to give it a try down the river but as always, Kyle disagreed. They had a bit of a argument over what way to get back but Te Hurangi was certain to ride the Waka down and Kyle did not want to walk back in the tunnel on his own.

Riding down river was great fun but very risky. They made it back safely as that was nearly the end part of the river. The local Marae was very great-full for their adventure and they both ended up leading their normal lives. Kyle and Te Hurangi still played tag in the Whakapapa forest but they would never look at it the same again.

Elsie Locke 2011 The Stolen Waka

Lying down in the Whakapapa forest, swatting fly’s and bugs was no fun for Jake and Te Hurangi. They had ran away from school after a big argument with all the bully’s. This was the first time they had done something like running away, and they had never really explored the Whakapapa forest even though they lived down the road. But sitting on a log after a while was boring and with a whole lot of leaves surrounding them both from the new autumn season, the temptation of having a leaf fight got to them. The bad thing for Jake was that Te Hurangi was nearly twice the size of Jake but still the same size, not that Jake was small or anything. As the two boys were running continuous-lee after each other Jake fell down a massive whole in the ground, looking a bit of a Bobbie trap and with Te Hurangi right on Jake’s tail they both ended up in the hole in pain and agony. After 10 minutes of winging and whining about how much pain they were in the both helped each other up and each try’d having a couple of goes to get back up this massive hole that seemed to be around five to six meters deep from normal land. They also tried other ways to get help e.g screaming for help, trying to build steps up, throwing piles of dirt out and just hoping on each others backs to see if they could reach the top. One problem with this was for jake it was nearly impossible to lift big Te because of his size. After continuous attempts to get out of this mess they both realized, they were screwed. They had both given up on them selfs and had lost all their energy. Know one was going to help them, being in the Whakapapa forest where hardly anyone had been in a very long time.

After nearly two hours they, Jake woke up and tried more ways to get out solo while his team mate was still snoring beside him. Jake wondered to him self how they both could of fallen asleep when they were trapped in a very small tight hole, that could barley fit each other in, even when they were both standing up let alone sitting opposite each other. The time was around 5.30pm and was starting to get dark. Big Te and Jake both new they had to get out of here quick and fast. They still kept trying the same ways to get out as before e.g screaming for help, trying to build steps up, throwing piles of dirt out and just hoping on each others backs to see if they could reach the top of the whole. When they were trying to build a tunnel they found their first root they’d seen since they first fell into the hole. Te Hurangi helped Jake to step onto the root to get up but as Jake was putting his weight onto the root it suddenly dropped like a lever and a part of the dirt wall in the hole opened and inside the door was a long path way that was exactly like an underground tunnel, but the question is where did this tunnel lead too?

Walking in the tunnel was pretty creepy for the two boys first. For about the first km of the tunnel was completely dark and the tunnel kept going in a long long straight line. Soon when they had walked far enough their was a couple of fire torch’s hanging up off the wall. They both picked a fire torch each and after another couple of hundred meters came a big wooden door that looked easy enough to break down. Jake thought was strong enough but Te Hurangi said “Na mate I don’t thin you would be able to break it down, leave it to me”. Using his strength and size advantage, Te Hurangi took a massive run up and used all his force to bust open the door. This time it did not work but they both new with one more hit from either one of them this door would fall down no sweat. Nearly as soon as Big Te hit the door Jake was right behind him fir another bang, and down the door went along with Jake. Inside this door was a massive long waka and surrounded by traditional Moari carved patterns and carvings all over the wall. Nearly as soon as Te Hurangi soar this amazing looking Waka he told Jake exactly what this was and wear it came from. It was the New Zealand famous Tākitimu Waka that had been stolen and had not been found in nearly over fifty years. Jake was just exited about this as Te Hurangi was. Best of all about this room it had a little ladder in it, allowing them to get back home safely just before they got home. When they got out of the hole Jake left his jacket by the nearest tree from the hole so they could come back and investigate the Waka.

Waking up with another long, boring day of school after a long night of explaining where they were and what they had done at school made both boys want to run away again from home. They had planned to go back to the secret tunnel straight after school, and try to mark where the tunnel was in the forest. The only problem with their plan was because they had ran away from school yesterday, they still had detention after today’s final lesson of school. When they found out about this they both try’d to weave and worm there way out of detention, but all their teachers wouldn’t budge the slightest bit.

Waiting in detention was one of the most boring things in school, especially when it was in your own time. Usually there are not many people who are in detention but when Te Hurangi and Jake arrived there suprisenly there were. Talking just earned another detention same with standing up for nothing and stretching.Next to the two boys was a small, but smart looking boy, about the same age is Jake and Te Hurangi. He looked very sad and upset about being in detention.

Soon after detention although they were in a hurry, they tried to make friends with this young boy and found out his name was sims. He seemed to be friendly enough to be their friend and to be in for the secret.

Once they got to the forest and marked where about’s in the woods the hole was Te Hurangi brang his dad over to show him their discovery. His dad soon brought nearly everyone in his Marae to help bring the Waka out of the dirt.

Thomas you have write a exiting story you have used good description language thats what makes it exciting. Keb

Monday 23 May 2011 Elsie Locke 2011 The Stolen Waka Main Characters: Jake Te Hurangi Sims Story Line: A long,long time ago three young boys were playing around in the whakapapa forest when they suddenly find the ancient Moari lost Waka, that hasn’t been found in over 200,000 years. At first they have no idea what it is but finding this Waka will bring them a journey they will never forget. Story: Lying down in the Whakapapa forest, swatting fly’s and bugs was no fun for Jake and Te Hurangi. They had ran away from school after a big argument with all the bully’s. This was the first time they had done something like running away, and they had never really explored the Whakapapa forest even though they lived down the road. But sitting on a log after a while was boring and with a whole lot of leaves surrounding them both from the new autumn season, the temptation of having a leaf fight got to them. The bad thing for Jake was that Te Hurangi was nearly twice the size of Jake but still the same size, not that Jake was small or anything. As the two boys were running continuous-lee after each other Jake fell down a massive whole in the ground, looking a bit of a Bobbie trap and with Te Hurangi right on Jake’s tail they both ended up in the hole in pain and agony. After 10 minutes of winging and whining about how much pain they were in the both helped each other up and each try’d having a couple of goes to get back up this massive hole that seemed to be around five to six meters deep from normal land. They also tried other ways to get help e.g screaming for help, trying to build steps up, throwing piles of dirt out and just hoping on each others backs to see if they could reach the top. One problem with this was for jake it was nearly impossible to lift big Te because of his size. After continuous attempts to get out of this mess they both realized, they were screwed. They had both given up on them selfs and had lost all their energy. Know one was going to help them, being in the Whakapapa forest where hardly anyone had been in a very long time. After nearly two hours they, Jake woke up and tried more ways to get out solo while his team mate was still snoring beside him. Jake wondered to him self how they both could of fallen asleep when they were trapped in a very small tight hole, that could barley fit each other in, even when they were both standing up let alone sitting opposite each other. The time was around 5.30pm and was starting to get dark. Big Te and Jake both new they had to get out of here quick and fast. They still kept trying the same ways to get out as before e.g screaming for help, trying to build steps up, throwing piles of dirt out and just hoping on each others backs to see if they could reach the top of the whole. When they were trying to build a tunnel they found their first root they’d seen since they first fell into the hole. Te Hurangi helped Jake to step onto the root to get up but as Jake was putting his weight onto the root it suddenly dropped like a lever and a part of the dirt wall in the hole opened and inside the door was a long path way that was exactly like an underground tunnel, but the question is where did this tunnel lead too? Walking in the tunnel was pretty creepy for the two boys first. For about the first km of the tunnel was completely dark and the tunnel kept going in a long long straight line. Soon when they had walked far enough their was a couple of fire torch’s hanging up off the wall. They both picked a fire torch each and after another couple of hundred meters came a big wooden door that looked easy enough to break down. Jake thought was strong enough but Te Hurangi said “Na mate I don’t thin you would be able to break it down, leave it to me”. Using his strength and size advantage, Te Hurangi took a massive run up and used all his force to bust open the door. This time it did not work but they both new with one more hit from either one of them this door would fall down no sweat. Nearly as soon as Big Te hit the door Jake was right behind him fir another bang, and down the door went along with Jake. Inside this door was a massive long waka and surrounded by traditional Moari carved patterns and carvings all over the wall. Nearly as soon as Te Hurangi soar this amazing looking Waka he told Jake exactly what this was and wear it came from. It was the New Zealand famous Tākitimu Waka that had been stolen and had not been found in nearly over fifty years. Jake was just exited about this as Te Hurangi was. Best of all about this room it had a little ladder in it, allowing them to get back home safely just before they got home. When they got out of the hole Jake left his jacket by the nearest tree from the hole so they could come back and investigate the Waka. Waking up with another long, boring day of school after a long night of explaining where they were and what they had done at school made both boys want to run away again from home. They had planned to go back to the secret tunnel straight after school, and try to mark where the tunnel was in the forest. The only problem with their plan was because they had ran away from school yesterday, they still had detention after today’s final lesson of school. When they found out about this they both try’d to weave and worm there way out of detention, but all their teachers wouldn’t budge the slightest bit. Waiting in detention was one of the most boring things in school, especially when it was in your own time. Usually there are not many people who are in detention but when Te Hurangi and Jake arrived there suprisenly there were. Talking just earned another detention same with standing up for nothing and stretching.Next to the two boys was a small, but smart looking boy, about the same age is Jake and Te Hurangi. He looked very sad and upset about being in detention. Soon after detention although they were in a hurry, they tried to make friends with this young boy and found out his name was sims. He seemed to be friendly enough to be their friend and to be in for the secret. <span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> Once they got to the forest and marked where about’s in the woods the hole was Te Hurangi brang his dad over to show him their discovery. His dad soon brought nearly everyone in his Marae to help bring the Waka out of the dirt.

<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000000; font-family: serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Thomas you have write a exiting story you have used good description language thats what makes it exciting. Keb

__Friday 20 May 2011__

Elsie Locke 2011 The Stolen Waka

Main Characters: Jake Te Hurangi Sims

Story Line:

A long,long time ago three young boys were playing around in the whakapapa forest when they suddenly find the ancient Moari lost Waka, that hasn’t been found in over 200,000 years. At first they have no idea what it is but finding this Waka will bring them a journey they will never forget.

Story:

Lying down in the Whakapapa forest, swatting fly’s and bugs was no fun for Jake and Te Hurangi. They had ran away from school after a big argument with all the bully’s. This was the first time they had done something like running away, and they had never really explored the Whakapapa forest even though they lived down the road. But sitting on a log after a while was boring and with a whole lot of leaves surrounding them both from the new autumn season, the temptation of having a leaf fight got to them. The bad thing for Jake was that Te Hurangi was nearly twice the size of Jake but still the same size, not that Jake was small or anything. As the two boys were running continuous-lee after each other Jake fell down a massive whole in the ground, looking a bit of a Bobbie trap and with Te Hurangi right on Jake’s tail they both ended up in the hole in pain and agony. After 10 minutes of winging and whining about how much pain they were in the both helped each other up and each try’d having a couple of goes to get back up this massive hole that seemed to be around five to six meters deep from normal land. They also tried other ways to get help e.g screaming for help, trying to build steps up, throwing piles of dirt out and just hoping on each others backs to see if they could reach the top. One problem with this was for jake it was nearly impossible to lift big Te because of his size. After continuous attempts to get out of this mess they both realized, they were screwed. They had both given up on them selfs and had lost all their energy. Know one was going to help them, being in the Whakapapa forest where hardly anyone had been in a very long time.

After nearly two hours they, Jake woke up and tried more ways to get out solo while his team mate was still snoring beside him. Jake wondered to him self how they both could of fallen asleep when they were trapped in a very small tight hole, that could barley fit each other in, even when they were both standing up let alone sitting opposite each other. The time was around 5.30pm and was starting to get dark. Big Te and Jake both new they had to get out of here quick and fast. They still kept trying the same ways to get out as before e.g screaming for help, trying to build steps up, throwing piles of dirt out and just hoping on each others backs to see if they could reach the top of the whole. When they were trying to build a tunnel they found their first root they’d seen since they first fell into the hole. Te Hurangi helped Jake to step onto the root to get up but as Jake was putting his weight onto the root it suddenly dropped like a lever and a part of the dirt wall in the hole opened and inside the door was a long path way that was exactly like an underground tunnel, but the question is where did this tunnel lead too?

Walking in the tunnel was pretty creepy for the two boys first. For about the first km of the tunnel was completely dark and the tunnel kept going in a long long straight line. Soon when they had walked far enough their was a couple of fire torch’s hanging up off the wall. They both picked a fire torch each and after another couple of hundred meters came a big wooden door that looked easy enough to break down. Jake thought was strong enough but Te Hurangi said “Na mate I don’t thin you would be able to break it down, leave it to me”. Using his strength and size advantage, Te Hurangi took a massive run up and used all his force to bust open the door. This time it did not work but they both new with one more hit from either one of them this door would fall down no sweat. Nearly as soon as Big Te hit the door Jake was right behind him fir another bang, and down the door went along with Jake. Inside this door was a massive long waka and surrounded by traditional Moari carved patterns and carvings all over the wall. Nearly as soon as Te Hurangi soar this amazing looking Waka he told Jake exactly what this was and wear it came from. It was the New Zealand famous Tākitimu Waka that had been stolen and had not been found in nearly over fifty years. Jake was just exited about this as Te Hurangi was. Best of all about this room it had a little ladder in it, allowing them to get back home safely just before they got home. When they got out of the hole Jake left his jacket by the nearest tree from the hole so they could come back and investigate the Waka.

Waking up with another long, boring day of school after a long night of explaining where they were and what they had done at school made both boys want to run away again from home. They had planned to go back to the secret tunnel straight after school, and try to mark where the tunnel was in the forest. The only problem with their plan was because they had ran away from school yesterday, they still had detention after today’s final lesson of school. When they found out about this they both try’d to weave and worm there way out of detention, but all their teachers wouldn’t budge the slightest bit.

Waiting in detention was one of the most boring things to do, especially when it was in your own time. Usually there are not many people who are in detention but when Te Hurangi and Jake arrived there suprisenly there were.

Thomas you have write a exiting story you have used good description language thats what makes it exciting. Keb

__Friday 13 May__

Main Characters: Jake Te Hurangi Sims

Story Line:

A long,long time ago three young boys were playing around in the whakapapa forest when they suddenly find the ancient Moari lost Waka, that hasn’t been found in over 200,000 years. At first they have no idea what it is but finding this Waka will bring them a journey they will never forget.

Story:

Lying down in the Whakapapa forest, swatting fly’s and bugs was no fun for Jake and Te Hurangi. They had ran away from school after a big argument with all the bully’s. This was the first time they had done something like running away, and they had never really explored the Whakapapa forest even though they lived down the road. But sitting on a log after a while was boring and with a whole lot of leaves surrounding them both from the new autumn season, the temptation of having a leaf fight got to them. The bad thing for Jake was that Te Hurangi was nearly twice the size of Jake but still the same size, not that Jake was small or anything. As the two boys were running continuous-lee after each other Jake fell down a massive whole in the ground, looking a bit of a Bobbie trap and with Te Hurangi right on Jake’s tail they both ended up in the hole in pain and agony. After 10 minutes of winging and whining about how much pain they were in the both helped each other up and each try’d having a couple of goes to get back up this massive hole that seemed to be around five to six meters deep from normal land. They also tried other ways to get help e.g screaming for help, trying to build steps up, throwing piles of dirt out and just hoping on each others backs to see if they could reach the top. One problem with this was for jake it was nearly impossible to lift big Te because of his size. After continuous attempts to get out of this mess they both realized, they were screwed. They had both given up on them selfs and had lost all their energy. Know one was going to help them, being in the Whakapapa forest where hardly anyone had been in a very long time.

__Tuesday 17 May__

Main Characters: Jake Te Hurangi Sims

Story Line:

A long,long time ago three young boys were playing around in the whakapapa forest when they suddenly find the ancient Moari lost Waka, that hasn’t been found in over 200,000 years. At first they have no idea what it is but finding this Waka will bring them a journey they will never forget.

Story:

Lying down in the Whakapapa forest, swatting fly’s and bugs was no fun for Jake and Te Hurangi. They had ran away from school after a big argument with all the bully’s. This was the first time they had done something like running away, and they had never really explored the Whakapapa forest even though they lived down the road. But sitting on a log after a while was boring and with a whole lot of leaves surrounding them both from the new autumn season, the temptation of having a leaf fight got to them. The bad thing for Jake was that Te Hurangi was nearly twice the size of Jake but still the same size, not that Jake was small or anything. As the two boys were running continuous-lee after each other Jake fell down a massive whole in the ground, looking a bit of a Bobbie trap and with Te Hurangi right on Jake’s tail they both ended up in the hole in pain and agony. After 10 minutes of winging and whining about how much pain they were in the both helped each other up and each try’d having a couple of goes to get back up this massive hole that seemed to be around five to six meters deep from normal land. They also tried other ways to get help e.g screaming for help, trying to build steps up, throwing piles of dirt out and just hoping on each others backs to see if they could reach the top. One problem with this was for jake it was nearly impossible to lift big Te because of his size. After continuous attempts to get out of this mess they both realized, they were screwed. They had both given up on them selfs and had lost all their energy. Know one was going to help them, being in the Whakapapa forest where hardly anyone had been in a very long time.

After nearly two hours they, Jake woke up and tried more ways to get out solo while his team mate was still snoring beside him. Jake wondered to him self how they both could of fallen asleep when they were trapped in a very small tight hole, that could barley fit each other in, even when they were both standing up let alone sitting opposite each other. The time was around 5.30pm and was starting to get dark. Big Te and Jake both new they had to get out of here quick and fast. They still kept trying the same ways to get out as before e.g screaming for help, trying to build steps up, throwing piles of dirt out and just hoping on each others backs to see if they could reach the top of the whole. When they were trying to build a tunnel they found their first root they’d seen since they first fell into the hole. Te Hurangi helped Jake to step onto the root to get up but as Jake was putting his weight onto the root it suddenly dropped like a lever and a part of the dirt wall in the hole opened and inside the door was a long path way that was exactly like an underground tunnel, but the question is where did this tunnel lead too?

__Wednesday 18 May__

Wednesday 18 May 2011

Elsie Locke 2011 The Stolen Waka

Main Characters: Jake Te Hurangi Sims

Story Line:

A long,long time ago three young boys were playing around in the whakapapa forest when they suddenly find the ancient Moari lost Waka, that hasn’t been found in over 200,000 years. At first they have no idea what it is but finding this Waka will bring them a journey they will never forget.

Story:

Lying down in the Whakapapa forest, swatting fly’s and bugs was no fun for Jake and Te Hurangi. They had ran away from school after a big argument with all the bully’s. This was the first time they had done something like running away, and they had never really explored the Whakapapa forest even though they lived down the road. But sitting on a log after a while was boring and with a whole lot of leaves surrounding them both from the new autumn season, the temptation of having a leaf fight got to them. The bad thing for Jake was that Te Hurangi was nearly twice the size of Jake but still the same size, not that Jake was small or anything. As the two boys were running continuous-lee after each other Jake fell down a massive whole in the ground, looking a bit of a Bobbie trap and with Te Hurangi right on Jake’s tail they both ended up in the hole in pain and agony. After 10 minutes of winging and whining about how much pain they were in the both helped each other up and each try’d having a couple of goes to get back up this massive hole that seemed to be around five to six meters deep from normal land. They also tried other ways to get help e.g screaming for help, trying to build steps up, throwing piles of dirt out and just hoping on each others backs to see if they could reach the top. One problem with this was for jake it was nearly impossible to lift big Te because of his size. After continuous attempts to get out of this mess they both realized, they were screwed. They had both given up on them selfs and had lost all their energy. Know one was going to help them, being in the Whakapapa forest where hardly anyone had been in a very long time.

After nearly two hours they, Jake woke up and tried more ways to get out solo while his team mate was still snoring beside him. Jake wondered to him self how they both could of fallen asleep when they were trapped in a very small tight hole, that could barley fit each other in, even when they were both standing up let alone sitting opposite each other. The time was around 5.30pm and was starting to get dark. Big Te and Jake both new they had to get out of here quick and fast. They still kept trying the same ways to get out as before e.g screaming for help, trying to build steps up, throwing piles of dirt out and just hoping on each others backs to see if they could reach the top of the whole. When they were trying to build a tunnel they found their first root they’d seen since they first fell into the hole. Te Hurangi helped Jake to step onto the root to get up but as Jake was putting his weight onto the root it suddenly dropped like a lever and a part of the dirt wall in the hole opened and inside the door was a long path way that was exactly like an underground tunnel, but the question is where did this tunnel lead too?

Walking in the tunnel was pretty creepy for the two boys first. For about the first km of the tunnel was completely dark and the tunnel kept going in a long long straight line. Soon when they had walked far enough their was a couple of fire torch’s hanging up off the wall. They both picked a fire torch each and after another couple of hundred meters came a big wooden door that looked easy enough to break down. Jake thought was strong enough but Te Hurangi said “Na mate I don’t thin you would be able to break it down, leave it to me”. Using his strength and size advantage Te Hurangi took a massive run up and used all his force to bust open the door. This time it did not work but they both new with one more hit from either one of them this door would fall down no sweat. Nearly as soon as Big Te hit the door Jake was right behind him fir another bang, and down the door went along with Jake. Inside this door was a massive long waka and surrounded by moari carved patterns and carvings all over the wall.

Thomas you have write a exiting story you have used good description language thats what makes it exciting. Keb